For those who managed to escape the deadly clutches of a spiritual cult, let me first say you are the true heroes.


That you were able to finally recognise the deadly toxicity and corruption whilst within the hypnotic and charismatic grip of a spiritual leader and their underlings, promising enlightenment and worldly abundance, can be incredibly difficult.


But you did it – you saw through the lies and the degrading control tactics, and got yourself out of it. No small feat.


The suffering you may have experienced for months and even years due to clandestine abuse you felt unable to speak about, creates an inevitably deep-seated trauma.


And ultimately a deep loss of faith in yourself.


You might be experiencing an extremely troubled time as part of the leaving process, with your days (and sleepless nights) beset with fear, anger, worry, anxiety, and depression.


Guilt and confusion, and a sense of loneliness may ensue along with difficulty thinking straight and focussing on your own life again.


Flashbacks and feelings of shame or depression and at worst, suicidal thoughts might all persist for a time.


A sense of identity crisis and difficulty with memory recall can all be part of your emotional roller-coaster of recovery.


This is all part your process of pulling the pieces of your shattered life back together and letting go of all that no longer serves you. And you who’ve been through this know I do not in any way exaggerate when using the word ‘shattered’.


Once you recognise the process you’ve undergone in the cult is, simply put, thought reform (or brainwashing), through often deeply invasive processes involving rituals or public shaming and so on, you’ll begin to understand how to release yourself from those very un-needed thoughts and their attempted mind control.


This is the beginning of your liberation from the cult and its clawlike hold on your life and wellbeing.


So, you got out.


The environment you’ve left which you experienced as so harsh and controlling is now behind you.


So now I’d like to help you recognise some of the structure of control you’ve just left:


o      A charismatic and often sexy, thrilling and devilish figurehead/ cult leader posing as your God
o      A belief system requiring you to relinquish and transform your prior beliefs to that of the leader, in order to gain acceptance into the cult
o      A restrictive system thats aim was to influence and ultimately totally control you


The cult leader required your blind devotion and acceptance as the ultimate and only authority on all things pertaining to your life and also the world.


You were led to feel you were in a privileged world of secrecy and profound spiritual ritual and teachings leading to personal power, when in fact you experienced the opposite – personal disempowerment and a reliance on the cult leader and their entourage for all your thoughts, actions and decisions.


You were expected to leave your Self behind to serve the greater cult and often the personal egoic needs of the leader.


You’ve left a strict spiritual hierarchy and behavioural control system where orders came down from ‘on high’. There was a strict expectation of group conformity and uniformity of spiritual views.


If you felt called on to violate your own code of ethics within that closed ‘spiritual’ system of thinking – please get out of there. If you felt you had to conform to a rigid dogma that precludes your own spiritual brilliance- please get out of there.


If the figurehead leader raised themself on a dais high above to look down on you – please get out. Spiritual enlightenment does not in any way mean holding the charismatic personality of another above you. It actually doesn’t. Respect is one thing. Kowtowing is another thing.


Whilst giving them your power you lose your own. Please hear me.


And yes there are authentic spiritual teachers out there who can teach you spiritual truths, leading and guiding you to enlightenment. But discernment is crucial and those who are corrupt may be hard to see coming at first.


Ethical and good teachers are being caught in the crossfire of upheaval and global distress and reaction to fraudulent and unethical teachers, and this needs to be somehow resolved.


I’ll share more on this here tomorrow, in relation to leaving cult groups, and recovery from cult abuse.


But for now, please feel free.




© Julie Cairnes 2018




Image Children of God Cult ’70’s



… the journey from trauma to healing and freedom …


The very real focus of my work for a long time now has been on healing trauma. The very deep trauma of what I call spiritual warfare with its many faces – spiritual, racial, religious or sexual warfare.


This also includes the emotional, psychological, psychic and often physical damage experienced by cult survivors.


My belief is that humanity cannot evolve without this healing work being done.


And because the impact of this inter-generational trauma carries down through family lines, to the children, and to the children of the children, it’s crucial this work be done. It won’t just go away. And in fact the deeper we dig, the worse it gets in terms of uncovering clandestine spiritual abuse.


So, can the deepest exhaustion come after a long period of stress has passed?


The answer is YES! 


Accumulated stress after multiple traumatic events can leave your adrenals seriously burnt out and severe fatigue at a chronic all-time high.


Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is very real, and those who’ve finally found some kind of safety and sanctuary after living through extensive spiritual abuse and trauma often experience serious fatigue, a kind of exhaustion that just won’t seem go away.


They ask “What’s happening to me? Why am I so terribly exhausted? Is there something very wrong with me?”


The answer is NO! There’s nothing wrong with you that time and tender loving self-care can’t heal, but seek medical help if you do feel you need it.


Let yourself rest, recover and regenerate as you rebuild your life. You will be ok.


You can get through this.


Let me say that, and reassure you. You’re stronger than you think, and yes I do know you’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to bear.


There are some in the world who will try to deny and invalidate the truth of the very real abuse you’ve lived though. Look for those who do understand, who believe you, who can identify with what you’ve been through, and who respect all that you are.


If you’re needing therapeutic support for your recovery, there are those of us who understand, who’ve also survived severe spiritual trauma, and with the skills and training you may want to connect with.



Julie Cairnes





In the last canto of the Bhagavata Purana there is a list of predictions and prophecies about the dark times for the present age of Kali Yuga. The following 15 predictions were written 5,000 years ago by sage Vedavyasa.

The brightest thing about the Kali Yuga is really only its ending.

Prediction 1:

Religion, truthfulness, cleanliness, tolerance, mercy, duration of life, physical strength and memory will all diminish day by day because of the powerful influence of the age of Kali.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.1

sri-suka uvaca
tatas canu-dinam dharmah
satyam saucam ksama daya
kalena balina rajan
nanksyaty ayur balam smrtih

Prediction 2:

In Kali Yuga, wealth alone will be considered the sign of a man’s good birth, proper behaviour and fine qualities. And law and justice will be applied only on the basis of one’s power.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.2

vittam eva kalau nṝṇāḿ
kāraṇaḿ balam eva hi

Prediction 3:

Men and women will live together merely because of superficial attraction, and success in business will depend on deceit. Womanliness and manliness will be judged according to one’s expertise in sex, and a man will be known as a brahmana just by his wearing a thread.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.3

dāmpatye ‘bhirucir hetur
māyaiva vyāvahārike
strītve puḿstve ca hi ratir
vipratve sūtram eva hi

Prediction 4:

A person’s spiritual position will be ascertained merely according to external symbols, and on that same basis people will change from one spiritual order to the next. A person’s propriety will be seriously questioned if he does not earn a good living. And one who is very clever at juggling words will be considered a learned scholar.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.4

lińgaḿ evāśrama-khyātāv
avṛttyā nyāya-daurbalyaḿ
pāṇḍitye cāpalaḿ vacaḥ

Prediction 5:

A person will be judged unholy if he does not have money, and hypocrisy will be accepted as virtue. Marriage will be arranged simply by verbal agreement, and a person will think he is fit to appear in public if he has merely taken a bath.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.5

sādhutve dambha eva tu
svīkāra eva codvāhe
snānam eva prasādhanam

Prediction 6:

A sacred place will be taken to consist of no more than a reservoir of water located at a distance, and beauty will be thought to depend on one’s hairstyle. Filling the belly will become the goal of life, and one who is audacious will be accepted as truthful. He who can maintain a family will be regarded as an expert man, and the principles of religion will be observed only for the sake of reputation.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.6

dūre vāry-ayanaḿ tīrthaḿ
lāvaṇyaḿ keśa-dhāraṇam
udaraḿ-bharatā svārthaḥ
satyatve dhārṣṭyam eva hi
dākṣyaḿ kuṭumba-bharaṇaḿ
yaśo ‘rthe dharma-sevanam

Prediction 7:

As the earth thus becomes crowded with a corrupt population, whoever among any of the social classes shows himself to be the strongest will gain political power.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.7

evaḿ prajābhir duṣṭābhir
ākīrṇe kṣiti-maṇḍale
yo balī bhavitā nṛpaḥ

Prediction 8:

Harassed by famine and excessive taxes, people will resort to eating leaves, roots, flesh, wild honey, fruits, flowers and seeds. Struck by drought, they will become completely ruined.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.9

anāvṛṣṭyā vinańkṣyanti

Prediction 9:

The citizens will suffer greatly from cold, wind, heat, rain and snow. They will be further tormented by quarrels, hunger, thirst, disease and severe anxiety.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.10

himair anyonyataḥ prajāḥ
kṣut-tṛḍbhyāḿ vyādhibhiś caiva
santapsyante ca cintayā

Prediction 10:

The maximum duration of life for human beings in Kali Yuga will become 50 years.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2.11

triḿśad viḿśati varṣāṇi
paramāyuḥ kalau nṛṇām

Prediction 11:

Men will no longer protect their elderly parents.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.3.42

na rakshishyanti manujah
sthavirau pitarav api

Prediction 12:

In Kali-yuga men will develop hatred for each other even over a few coins. Giving up all friendly relations, they will be ready to lose their own lives and kill even their own relatives.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.3.41

kalau kakinike ‘py arthe
vigrihya tyakta-sauhridah
tyakshyanti ca priyan pranan
hanishyanti svakan api

Prediction 13:

Uncultured men will accept charity on behalf of the Lord and will earn their livelihood by making a show of austerity and wearing a mendicant’s dress. Those who know nothing about religion will mount a high seat and presume to speak on religious principles.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.3.38

sudrah pratigrahishyanti
dharmam vakshyanty adharma-jna

Prediction 14:

Servants will abandon a master who has lost his wealth, even if that master is a saintly person of exemplary character. Masters will abandon an incapacitated servant, even if that servant has been in the family for generations. Cows will be abandoned or killed when they stop giving milk.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.3.36

patim tyakshyanti nirdravyam
bhritya apy akhilottamam
bhrityam vipannam patayah
kaulam gas capayasvinih

Prediction 15:

Cities will be dominated by thieves, the Vedas will be contaminated by speculative interpretations of atheists, political leaders will virtually consume the citizens, and the so-called priests and intellectuals will be devotees of their bellies and genitals.

Source: Srimad Bhagavatam 12.3.32

dasyutkrishta janapada
vedah pashanda-dushitah
rajanas ca praja-bhakshah
sisnodara-para dvijah




 Image from the Rig Veda




The Enlightened Female Mystic

By Julie Cairnes

Do we really think a woman can’t be a mystical master without initiation by a guru or spiritual teacher? Who said that? Who made that rule or wrote that script?

Because it’s simply not true.

One of the most enlightened women on the planet, Anandamayi Maa, reached full
enlightenment without initiation by any teacher. If any spiritual teacher says their way is
the only way, walk away, is what I say. Because it’s a blatant lie and manipulation to hold
a student to them.

Not all ‘spiritual teachers’ are as they appear. Some may hold some bright gems that
light our path for a time. But most definitely there’s not just one way to reach our
highest realisation and full awakening.

Can we reach this place through our own intensive spiritual journey, even through the roughest and harshest terrain? Yes, yes, and most assuredly yes, we can. Our journey to enlightenment does not include a roadmap with a healing bypass. Or, sadly, a trauma bypass. None of that. No.

We really do need to walk back through our own history and release those heavy old stories to truly lighten our soul. Reminiscent of the ancient Toltec shamanic healing tradition of recapitulation – a process of remembering, re-experiencing (in the mind’s eye) and releasing body and soul memories.

Accessing and reviewing our Akashic records from many lifetimes can also bring powerful healing and closure in ways we cannot begin to imagine. Heart and soul are freed of past traumas, awakening our magical ability to create a completely new and higher outcome.

And look, I myself have experienced an initiation or two – spiritual and shamanic. But I don’t consider those as times of personal enlightenment. What I did learn was the sovereignty of my own inner light. This was most clearly where I came to.

In fact, as shamanic initiations do, I was led to my own metaphorical death. Many times. I can almost laugh about it all now, excruciating as it was each and every time. Lots of old karma to release, it seems, but with an outcome of great insight and clarity.

It’s the victory of our soul over the ego’s battle for domination. And it was always written that we should win! This cleansing of ego enables us to become ‘Hollow Bones,’ as Native American tradition names it – allowing us to become a clear channel for Source energy in our healing medicine work – as though a hollow bamboo tube.

The road to spiritual liberation is a continuous process of letting go and holding only onto that which helps us on this path. Ensuring we feed our soul daily, with not just crumbs from the table, but a full spiritual meal.

And through ensuring we’re not falling under the influence of another, we remain firm, calm and courageous. It’s here we find our inner strength with our personality intact, staying centred in the Light. Go well and namasté, my sister. Let’s meet in that place.




Shamanic Healer,Life


Creation Coach


The Enlightenment


Julie is a natural



medium,shaman and

healer,with access to

the Akashic records



The following excerpt I’m putting out there, with great gratitude to Lauda Leon, and others I will mention in days to come, for their commitment to the deeper truths of what lies beneath.

And I DO feel it’s very important to be getting this information out and getting it correct.

There’s a lot of misinformation out there, and some is planted with the intent and purpose of creating further illusions.

I’m also placing this out there because it happened to me. I had an horrific entity attach to me with the intention of draining my life force, and totally replacing me (see Lauda’s take on these kind of predatory behaviours in quote below).

Yes something absolutely horrifying, which happened in front of many who didn’t seem able to comprehend what they were seeing. One shamanic healer advised me to go into absolute hiding for the rest of my life and change my identity in order to survive the attack . But this was ultimately no answer, as this would actually fuel its success in its goal of destroying and supplanting me.

It was a true case of spiritual parasitism with the absolute worst intentions of taking my life, in every way it possibly could. This parasite is still alive and has also now found other sources of life energy to hook into,  but for a long time I was its main source of food. I couldn’t seem to dislodge it no matter how I tried. A problem was also the credibility and huge social media following  this entity gathered, it’s use of technology, with seemingly a religious or satanic cult behind it – so  very well resourced and financed in its use of bots, hacking and virus technology etc. and also a massive smear campaign against me which aimed to virtually destroy my reputation. 

The most insidious and well, creepy aspect of this entity, was that it nicknamed itself “Life”, as did its ‘handlers’, and this was its most heinous attempt to take my very life, my own very breath of life,  and make it it’s own. But in this it will never succeed.

Now I also  feel the need to open the eyes of the world to those who perpetrate these behaviours. Sometimes the worst offenders are those who are saying the opposite- pointing their finger at ‘vampires’ and yet seriously vampirising  and attacking others. Look closely my friends, at what is out there. Just because it looks wholesome and smiles like milk and honey doesn’t mean all is as it seems.

This whole thing is now evolving into humanity developing an intimate relationship with our intuition and  awareness of what’s really going on. Who is really feeding off who.

Lets just say there are vampires.

And then there are vampires.

Some are open about it. Others are hiding. Some are good people and some are not.

I have a whole lot more to say about vampires but later, not here..not now..

Are you ready to hear it  though?

The truth is –  all humanity has the capacity to live as a vampire. It’s within  the blood of us all. You may find this hard to accept. But it’s the truth. It comes down to the choices we make. The choices are there. The  most insidious are vampire hunters who are actually vampires themselves (it’s their survival strategy).

Perhaps I won’t be popular for saying this truth. but it IS the truth.  Humanity is innately  a predatory species and  some choose to live in that way, and others choose to not live in that way. Some do it with the consent of others, and others do it without the consent of others, as a full-on life attack and energy theft.

The choice to evolve and not feed off the energy of others is here for all right here and right now.

We are dealing with levels and levels of lies and cover-ups.

Eyes open people.

And be safe.


Lauda Leon’s take on things

from “The New Predator”:

“These themes were typically known about in mythology with regards to the deities and demigods having relationships with humans and human hybrids.

So we started seeing this love bite and the dark side of cupid with relationships to these higher beings.

And this was usually centred around obsession and love, a personal bite – with regards to feeding themselves and needing that.

Just like the greek gods that needed worship. It was like that on the level of personal feelings, which acted as food.

On the whole there was something else happening that was far more predatory and far more dangerous, on hyperdimensional and interdimensional levels, which was really a work in progress.

And this work in progress I feel that the gnostics knew, and they basically wrote an introduction to the stage of what is really happening here and what is predating us, but they were never able to complete the whole account. Unfortunately they were hijacked and killed before they could finish it. But I really do believe they would have written about this as they did see it in the making. 

And this project goes way beyond. This is not about love per se. This is really about spirituality and the originals.

This is about those who are seeking connection with regards to their spiritual gnosis, and how they are evolving and branching out.

How they are breaking through the shackles. So when people are starting to wake up, many seek connections that can help them grow and nurture this evolution of spirit.

So this new predator was designed specifically to attack that, and to procure its essence.

Cannibalise it in order for them to take it over, and become it.

This is a very deep and diabolical means by which mimicry is literally taking over, like through osmosis and the theft of the individual.

When it is completed, when the process has completed successfully, the victim then is left without their essence, if they don‘t unhook themselves.

This level of predation goes far beyond any kind of previously understood knowledge, or experiences that until now were relegated to the affairs of the heart.

Because this is really an affair of the spirit. This is about the essence of a being. It is not related to a love connection.

Although what you see mostly is, that those predators have an array, a collection of people.

And you can see this in cults or in individual predators who travel all around and collect victims under the guise of some spiritual movement.

So it is not an experience under the love section. Although the victims experience a 1:1 connection to the new predator which would very much feel like a confusion between the spirit and the heart. (…) Now we see almost a viral situation where these people, these beings are all over.

Unlike anything before. (…) You have got a being that takes, absorbs, cannibalises and eats your essence.

Consumes your consciousness, and leaves you without it.

And by virtue of doing that they can tap into everything that you are connected to.

So they can tap into your past, your past lives, tap into your gnosis and retrieve pearls of truth from the great sea of the multiverse.

But you as the victim would not know it, you would not know it comes from you.

You would just be amazed and enthralled, would be smitten by somebody who you feel has the same spiritual connection to everything.

This is part of the lure of the spirit. It is just a projection of you to you, but you are not aware of it.

So you actually fall for the belief that this person has the same path and same spiritual desire for truth, and ability to procure an essence out of the multiverse which is a very rare thing.

So it‘s very diabolical because before you know it you are deeply inside and imprisoned within a system that uses an infinity mirror system of projections of yourself, while your essence is getting removed.”


– Lauda Leon Sovereign Ki, counselor & seer (excerpts from The New Predator DTV on YouTube)



SUICIDE: Never the Answer and Only Leaves Questions (True Story)

SUICIDE: Never the Answer and Only Leaves Questions (True Story)

‘Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’

– Phil Donahue


When I was 12 my mother and I moved from the beautiful 100 acre farm we were renting in the gorgeous volcanic mountainous area of Maleny in subtropical Qld, to be near her father in Sydney, a retired university astronomy lecturer. Soon after we arrived she found us another place to live in Mosman, a family home, well more an old mansion, owned and shared with us for a time, by a young woman and her baby girl.

This was how I first met Shane, the stunning daughter of two world renowned authors, Charmian Clift (author and columnist in The Australian) and George Johnston (author of My Brother Jack and other books).

Shane had lived through enormous and  multiple tragedies  – her famous mother Charm had very recently committed suicide, her beloved father had died of TB, and then her elder brother Martin also suicided.

Shane was tender and loving with me in every way, and each day after school minutes felt like hours as I awaited the sound of  her homecoming from work –  her husky voice, her hands scruffling through my hair, and her warm embrace.

I fell in love with her with every inch of my being. And she with me, although ten years older.  But Shane and my mother didn’t get on at all, the jealousy, hatred and constant arguments were on the menu each and every day.  So after almost a year of these fierce battles, we had to move out when Shane announced she hated my mother as much as she hated her own mother, despite our mutual adoration of eachother.

This was not enough to save the situation, sadly.

Moving out was one of the worst days of my life and  at 14, I felt I had no control over where I really wanted to be. My mother was a violent drunk and her use of pills terrifying, resulting in hospitalisations for a number of apparent suicide attempts using a cocktail of prescription medications

Shane also let me know a number of times she was convinced her own fate was also to be suicide, as a kind of terrible family inheritance, with no way out of it. My blood ran ice cold in my veins when she said this, with a feeling of the world dropping out from under my feet and nothing to hold.

With no way to make her stay – the person I loved the most in the world and a love that could go nowhere, I felt unbearably helpless to stop her self prophesied trajectory,  even then foreseeing unspeakable tragedy approaching my young world.

My mother and I moved out, and my younger brother Luc came home to us from an ill-fated attempt to live with his own father. We moved into a small flat behind a shop in Cremorne as Shane  also finally left her family home, which held so many deeply painful memories of her broken family, to move to Petersham

After we parted ways I called on her on a number of occasions to rescue me from my mother’s extreme drunken violence – as she systematically smashed all the windows and with no food in the cupboards for days on end, Shane would race up in her red Alfa Romeo and take me to her home  for days until things quietened down with my mother

I’d also fallen in love with dancing, and I remember the day we finally took our dance class to perform in St Leonards Park on stage. For some reason I had a very strong feeling to call Shane, and went to a red phone box to call her and check in. We spoke briefly. Something felt strange, I was worried and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I went home and as it was my 15th birthday, we were having a little party at home. The phone rang. Shane’s closest friend Gabriella, let me know Shane had in fact committed suicide on this very day.  Again my blood turned to ice in my veins, and I felt I was hearing things incorrectly, I couldn’t believe what I’d been told.

She had gassed herself whilst taking sleeping pills.

My life was never the same after this day. My heart was utterly broken and my mind seemed  quite numb for a time. I stopped dancing for a long time.  My love of writing, drawing and dancing all died with her, for many years.

Grief holds us and wants us to travel alone, for a time. The pain of grief is not purely emotional but also visceral, at times you feel it travelling like ice cold glass through your veins. Bringing up any old pain you’ve put to the side, along with the mountain of pain you’re already feeling, like iron chips to a magnet. It all comes in like a howling wind that cannot be escaped.

Now that I’ve lived through, and survived,  many more tragedies and come to a place of some kind of peace in my life,  I look back. I understand Shanes’ reasons for leaving. And I imagine what she could have become if she had stayed.

At the time she died she was working for a cutting-edge magazine and cut a fine figure herself. Brought up on an idyllic Greek island, Hydra, in an extremely bohemian and artistic family, she was wild and rough-edged, fascinating and fiery. She also left behind a beautiful little baby girl called Rebecca

This was one tragic family. As was mine. But theirs just kept killing itself off. Artists, dreamers, amazing people. Their home had been filled with famous and fascinating actors and artists, and they wrote incessantly, charming the Australian and global public with their well-crafted books and tales.

Suicide is never the answer. It only leaves questions.

And there is another answer.

But in those days there weren’t the resources we have now, for dealing with the terrible pain and confusion she was going through. She had experienced multiple recent deaths of people she loved with her entire heart and soul. Shane did not have the resilience or the knowhow or the support to understand any other way to deal with what she felt was endless unbearable pain. No light ahead in an endless tunnel. That’s how she saw it.

You see – now I know –  pain does end. Time does heal. Life does go on. But back then the knowledge and counsellors weren’t around to hold the space for those suffering and in pain. It was medicated and shoved to the side, with the hope of the medical system that sleeping through the pain and numbing it would end it.

It didn’t. It only made it worse and gave her the wherewithal to finally end herself.

To this day I really don’t like alcohol; and prescription drugs  and I do not see eye to eye .  I feel utterly blessed to have known beautiful Shane, but her death at  her own hands was totally crushing. I can’t even imagine how her baby girl felt, losing her beloved mummy. The fallout of such a desperate way of leaving affects many, I wonder if she realised. I  know she knows now.

You ask if I then had issues around suicide, having been  brought up in such tumult, abuse, chaos and violence.

The answer is yes.

I spent ten years of my early adult life waking up loving my life and simultaneously, daily, fighting a strangely powerful urge to kill myself. For at least ten years. I also took myself to therapy to help me with this. And the truth is, I did finally attempt suicide myself. 

This was in a week where not only did a very difficult relationship end, my beloved brother Lucas finally died after his horrendous decade long battle with HIVAIDS.

Not a good week. Understatement. 

The pain was like a cloud rising in my  mind. I’d been sleeping badly on top of commuting to Sydney for work – an over 4 hour drive. A doctor gave me a bottle of sleeping pills  (for the first and last time in my life). I just impulsively took all the sleeping pills and awoke the next day in hospital with my stomach  pumped and feeling awful.

My very young son had found me on the floor and having just been trained at the local youth centre in how to deal with such things, he immediately called the ambulance. I was released the next day after a psychiatric evaluation where they understood  it was one off thing, and they could see  I was extremely rueful and regretful about having done such a thing.

My son carried great anger about this toward me for years.

How awful to have found his mother on the floor next to her bed, unconscious and possibly dying of an overdose. I  vowed to him to NEVER do such a thing again, never to put him through such a thing again.

Having done it once anyway, I was totally cured. I never wanted to go there again. It wasn’t the answer.

And my insight was that  often people attempt suicide  because they feel they cannot see any way forward through some incredibly difficult times in their life, or the pain they’re  going through seems unbearable.

But often all that’s needed is someone warm, loving and understanding to talk to,  some ideas shared about how to move forward from a seemingly very stuck place, and the knowledge and foresight that no pain lasts forever.

It’s these little things. That can save a life.

I now have a university degree and many years experience counselling for those experiencing trauma, spiritual crisis and suicidality.

That’s me. I’m  here for you.

So when you’re in that place where you feel like choose stay or choose go. Choose stay. Also choose go. Go as in go forward. Keep moving forward. Keep choosing to live your life. And know you are very loved


© Julie Cairnes 2018

Photo: Shane (at bottom left ) with family – Martin, Charmian, George and Jason





If you are thinking about suicide or experiencing a personal crisis help is available.
No one needs to face their problems alone.

Call 000 (Emergency Services) if life is in danger.

Support is available, for those who may be distressed- 
by phoning Lifeline 13 11 14;
beyondblue 1300 224 636;
Kids Helpline 1800 551 800;
Mensline 1300 789 978.

“I thought no one could help me and I felt so desperate, but talking to someone was the first step to getting my life back.” (Lifeline caller)


‘Suicide is not a remedy’

-James Garfield



If you meet a ‘spiritual teacher’ who tells you it’s impossible for another being or entity to try to steal your light, your life, your consciousness or your destiny, walk away.


Because it’s a lie, and it’s a dangerous lie, and I’m here to help you learn the truth about the predators out there and how to recognise them.

This lie marks those ‘spiritual teachers’ themselves as potential predators intent on hiding the truth from you.

Keeping you, their potential victim, trusting, innocent and open to them.

Understanding those predators will save your life.

This is no understatement. They really are after your life, your very breath of life.

And there’s a reason they want your energy.

Because your light is bright and beautiful my friend.

I don’t say ‘protect your light’ lightly.

Living a truthful life is all about equal energy exchange and there’s precious little of this healthy dynamic at large in the world today.

And there are a number of us here now working to make sure that changes.

Ensuring the playing field levels and the predators consciously make a decision to return to Source for food and leave other humans alone.  

Never ever forget your innate value, who and what you are, and  your great worth.


End games times.



© Julie Cairnes 2018


Image Vajrapani Mantra



Most people try to find out how they are from others.

Two psychologists meet and one says to the other: “You’re doing just great – but how am I?”

It’s with the greatest hypervigilance we watch each other’s body language and look deep into each other’s eyes for subtle, almost imperceptible clues, messages and hints as to how we’re doing.

And when we depend on the opinions and reactions of others to verify our own worthiness, it’s too easy to become shattered when they don’t support us in that moment.

If someone disagrees with us, mocks or rejects us we can become angry, devastated, hurt or saddened.



Their blustery wind has blown down our house of cards.

Because of course –

their opinion carries so much more weight than our own self-knowledge.



Is it really true we don’t know ourself?

Who we are and what we know? Surely this isn’t right.

Do we really need constant external validation to confirm our worthiness and endorse our existence?

And this self-worth dependent on the validation of others breeds great insecurity, and a deep abiding anxiety and fear.

But how can anyone else really know what’s happening within us?

How can they have any inkling of our vast universal knowledge, our many lifetimes of experience, our wealth of wisdom, richness of heart, and depth of soul?

How can they possibly know the extent of the wounding and the powerful healing we’ve been through?



Is it possible they’re really only able to see us through a glass darkly, through their own veil of fears and anxieties, their own haze of self-doubt, and their own fog of misery?

The only way of knowing ourself is to go within. No mirror, no reflection, nothing external can reveal the invisible truth living within.

How can anyone else know who we are?

Even the most perceptive person can only come from their own self-knowledge and experience when looking at another.



This is the way of living unconsciously – seeing ourself only through the eyes of others.

So, what happens for us as we begin to live consciously?

When we begin to live without bringing the opinions and thoughts of others into our own knowledge of ourself?

This is really the only way to live and without this way of being and self-knowledge, we haven’t really lived.



When we see ourself as we are and not as others see us, when we take their veils off our own eyes, when we stop seeing ourself through their opinions, everything changes. Our life changes. We’re really living.

Because only we can truly know ourself. And no one else can do this work of our lifetime for us.

This is why you’re here isn’t it?

To know thyself?

If we’re asking someone else to look into us and tell us who we are then we must be asleep with our eyes closed.

And so, it’s time to awaken and let go of this need for the thoughts, opinions and beliefs of others.



And now is the time to do this because in truth this is the only time we have.

And this is how we’ll awaken to our inner golden light.



© Julie Cairnes 2018


Art by Greg Spelanka



I often feel great sadness, I really do, when I hear people pitting various spiritual teachers against eachother, attempting to pressure them to compete for spiritual supremacy. When this deluded behaviour ceases in this world then there might be a possibility of real progress for the spiritual evolution of humanity in these fractured times.


In past times, a number of spiritual teachers incarnated at the same time, and there was often great and palpable love and warmth between them. I can’t imagine Yogananda, Anandamayi Ma, Ramana Maharshi, Gandhi or Krishnamurti climbing up on any pedestal, trying to outdo the other, or saying they were number one in their connection with God, or as supreme world leader or teacher.

It seems so low as to not be worth discussing, however in a sports mad world where we even see some ‘spiritual teachers’ and their acolytes treating spirituality as a race or game akin to golf, a horse race or dog fight, then we must move away from them and go our own way, whether it’s a solitary way, or in the company of those on a similar path. That way is simply not our way.

A number of spiritual teachers have also incarnated in these times, they’re not immediately obvious in appearance, style or location, they’re not all living in ashrams, wearing robes, or pushing hard for a following. However, they have teachings to bear, and they will find a platform for their message, one way or another. There’s room for every flower in the garden. Please don’t mow down the flowers…



Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body

~ Thich Nhat Hanh


Prana is a Sanskrit word meaning the  ‘life force’  made of cosmic God energy permeating the universe on every level.

Originating from the emanations of the Sun or Source, prana connects each and every universal element, animate or inanimate.

We’ve all learnt by experience  that there are times where our very vitality or ‘elan vital’ is sucked or drained out of us by various people or situations, and when we return to the deeply nourishing heart of nature, our life force is fed and replenished.


And the very essence of the subtle process of breathing in and out, is not just that of breathing air, but prana!

Air is not ‘the real thing’ but a channel for the breath of life.

The mysterious, subtle and immaterial prana moves imperceptibly through the medium of air. We know that even where air cannot live, prana can go.

Buddha reached enlightenment  through detached observation of pranic breath using anapana and vipassana.

As we move our awareness into our opened third eye we can clearly observe the essential movement of our breath.

So, this is where we reach the point of breakthrough – the place where it can happen –  where you can sense the very subtle movement of prana though your breath.


There’s a sutra that advises us to ‘let form fill with breath essence to the top of the head’.

To let form fill.

And then as our awareness and imagination shifts to the third eye and then to our crown chakra – and this can only be effortless, without any sense of will, force or pressure – the thing happens.

Spirit knocks on our door, to let in the light.


Our sahasrara, the highest chakra and psychic centre at the crown of our head, becomes filled with radiance.

A brilliant shower of light.

And this life-giving prana showers down through our entire being and thus we are rejuvenated, refreshed, reborn and renewed.


Now this is a tantric concept and process, and your intention can only be pure for it not to be dangerous, and to be effective.

Being clear on what purity of mind means is imperative, in order to understand the impact of impure thoughts when practicing this type of pranic breathing.

Understanding the power of your mind, thoughts, emotions and imagination, it’s crucial to  clear and purify your thoughts before practicing tantric breathing

– this is the magical essence of insight, awareness and truly conscious creation.


© Julie Cairnes 2018







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